Why there are so many advice columns, why they're full of fake letters, and why advice from Ben Dreyfuss is better than what's out there. Plus: Ben and Josh answer your mail.
Hey Josh. Thank you (as well as Ben and Sara) for answering my question! First, I wanted to tell you I was laughing my ass off during that segment. You guys got a frighteningly accurate read of my personality, because I am a total social butterfly who loves going to bars solo and talking to whoever happens to be seated next to me. Also the jokes about Tysons itself were hilarious.
Second, I genuinely appreciate the advice given. It’s reaffirmed what I think I already knew, which is that I need to be committing to making the effort. Since I wrote in I’ve been spending more time in Arlington and the District itself, and I’ll definitely be keeping that up.
"Boyfriend" sounds like you are in high school, "partner" sounds like you are in the same law firm; "lover" sounds like you are having an affair with a married man from a 19th century novel.
There is only one language I know of that has solved this problem. In Italy they downgraded "fiance" instead of upgrading "boyfriend." I'm told the reason is that in Olden Times if a young man went out somewhere with a woman he wasn't married to the convention was to lie and say you were engaged. So there if you are dating somebody you call that person your fiance, which is an adult word. (If you are actually engaged they have a different expression.)
It's surely fake but the Emily Yoffe-vintage Dear Prudence, where a guy with a really big one moves into an apartment building, hooks up with one woman, and then all the other women in the building won't stop seducing him... that one is amazing... but I can't find it online now.
I’m a new follower of Bens, and am really enjoying his work. ( His father, has been one of my favorite actors since childhood. I have all his movies, and still watch them regularly) Josh: I enjoy your political/financial writings. But, honestly, the advice shtick, is 💯 you at your best.
Great episode. My only concern is that I’m a Fifth Column listener and Ben Dreyfuss is on their show every other week at this point. I’m just afraid that this is setting up Josh for some sort of tortious interference claim.
I know of one real letter although it may be the exception that proves the rule. In 1990, I was reading the advice column (Dear Abby or Ann Landers) in the WaPo, and realized halfway through that the letter writer was my brother. He confirmed this when I called. Turned out my mom had sent him an advice column advising filial respect and he wrote Ann/Abby with his situation. She responded that my mom should butt out of his business so it was very satisfactory. I miss my mom but she could be batshit crazy. (Also I was not the only person who recognized the author. When my mom was batshit, she was unabashedly and publicly batshit)
I've always been charmed by the old buildings in Alexandria: I'm an *ideological* YIMBY but I love genuinely old buildings and if there is a neighborhood full of them I want to preserve its character in spite of myself.
It does strike me as a place to move to after the first kid.
In my experience, some of the couples of 6+ years who still aren't engaged are thinking about the impact being married has on their identities. You can avoid having friends and colleagues think of you as someone's wife by just waiting a while to tie the knot. This seems like a bigger deal for women.
I was always amazed that François Hollande and Ségolène Royal never got married even though they were together for twenty-five years and had four kids and she was a candidate for President of France.
They said marriage was "too bourgeois" but has anybody ever been more bourgeois than François Hollande?
Hey Josh. Thank you (as well as Ben and Sara) for answering my question! First, I wanted to tell you I was laughing my ass off during that segment. You guys got a frighteningly accurate read of my personality, because I am a total social butterfly who loves going to bars solo and talking to whoever happens to be seated next to me. Also the jokes about Tysons itself were hilarious.
Second, I genuinely appreciate the advice given. It’s reaffirmed what I think I already knew, which is that I need to be committing to making the effort. Since I wrote in I’ve been spending more time in Arlington and the District itself, and I’ll definitely be keeping that up.
Thanks again!
DANNY!!!
Danny, come to Ballston and have a beer at Carpool!
I’ll have to give it a try! Ballston’s a fun area; I really enjoyed watching some NFL Sunday over at First Down this weekend. Bronson was a hoot, too!
Jokes about Tysons? These are truths. Josh's best take ever is that Tysons "is a fucking hellscape."
"Boyfriend" sounds like you are in high school, "partner" sounds like you are in the same law firm; "lover" sounds like you are having an affair with a married man from a 19th century novel.
There is only one language I know of that has solved this problem. In Italy they downgraded "fiance" instead of upgrading "boyfriend." I'm told the reason is that in Olden Times if a young man went out somewhere with a woman he wasn't married to the convention was to lie and say you were engaged. So there if you are dating somebody you call that person your fiance, which is an adult word. (If you are actually engaged they have a different expression.)
It's surely fake but the Emily Yoffe-vintage Dear Prudence, where a guy with a really big one moves into an apartment building, hooks up with one woman, and then all the other women in the building won't stop seducing him... that one is amazing... but I can't find it online now.
My favorite was the twins. They had to be fake (I hope they were fake?)
I’m a new follower of Bens, and am really enjoying his work. ( His father, has been one of my favorite actors since childhood. I have all his movies, and still watch them regularly) Josh: I enjoy your political/financial writings. But, honestly, the advice shtick, is 💯 you at your best.
Great episode. My only concern is that I’m a Fifth Column listener and Ben Dreyfuss is on their show every other week at this point. I’m just afraid that this is setting up Josh for some sort of tortious interference claim.
I know of one real letter although it may be the exception that proves the rule. In 1990, I was reading the advice column (Dear Abby or Ann Landers) in the WaPo, and realized halfway through that the letter writer was my brother. He confirmed this when I called. Turned out my mom had sent him an advice column advising filial respect and he wrote Ann/Abby with his situation. She responded that my mom should butt out of his business so it was very satisfactory. I miss my mom but she could be batshit crazy. (Also I was not the only person who recognized the author. When my mom was batshit, she was unabashedly and publicly batshit)
I wonder, are there more fake letters now?
Josh is right, Tyson’s is an awful place and no young single person should live there. Live in Arlington like a proper young professional.
I’m rather partial to Alexandria.
I've always been charmed by the old buildings in Alexandria: I'm an *ideological* YIMBY but I love genuinely old buildings and if there is a neighborhood full of them I want to preserve its character in spite of myself.
It does strike me as a place to move to after the first kid.
There's a lot more to Alexandria than just Old Town!
Alexandria if you’re married already. Arlington for meeting ppl (at least that how I experienced it back around 2012)
As was done with the Cocktail hour episodes, I hope that this becomes a running theme for Very Serious. This podcast was hilarious and a lot of fun.
In my experience, some of the couples of 6+ years who still aren't engaged are thinking about the impact being married has on their identities. You can avoid having friends and colleagues think of you as someone's wife by just waiting a while to tie the knot. This seems like a bigger deal for women.
I was always amazed that François Hollande and Ségolène Royal never got married even though they were together for twenty-five years and had four kids and she was a candidate for President of France.
They said marriage was "too bourgeois" but has anybody ever been more bourgeois than François Hollande?
Also, if you’re a couple, say, in your 30’s, and neither wants kids, getting married just might not be that important.
Sometimes there are impediments to matrimony, though usually by that point the parents are in assisted living centers